Well~ I now have an Ipod touch
:D
But I feel really, really guilty.

Because mom wanted an mp3 player like the one I used to have, but she got this other one instead, which she says she really really likes, but still. The one I used to have I gave to my sister cause she wanted it and didn't like her ipod shuffle, but it's pretty old and kinda banged up and then i have this new shiny thing...and I have too much anxiety to call my dad but i feel bad for not calling him because i don't want to seem unthankful even though he'll think i'm a greedy brat anyway. I just...argh!!!
And I'm scared about going to edgefest ;-; i'll be surrounded by a bunch of metal heads and everything and...and...//slapself
WELL I AM. ;A; *flail*

I just feel like such a spoiled, self-centered brat. I know I'm not, but I just feel so bad. I dunno, I feel like there's not enough time for everything. I'm having so much anxiety over everything it's turning me into a mess. It got better for a while 'cause I just ignored it, but now it's coming back and my sister will be due in like 4 weeks and I don't want anything to change. I hate change. I want time to just STOP. Or paradise to come. or to die. I don't know. I don't want to lose anyone and I don't want to be an adult and I don't want to have a baby in this household and I don't want to have to worry about my education and being inactive in the ministry and worry about whether or not i'm going to die. And I don't want to worry about my stupid stupid STUPID other sister and her stupid boyfriend or my stupid dad or how I look or if we're going to have to move because we can't pay the bills or my mom working constantly and never getting to spend time with her or being a talentless loser or how messed up i am. I'm tired of everything. and why does dealing with people have to hurt so much.
yeah i know, boo-hoo. I'm such a weakling I can't even take a little stress. whatever. i have friends who cry about boys not liking them. i think boys are completely meaningless compared to a life or death matter.